What I Learned Today

New Blog

2010-04-24T22:46:00.002-07:00

I quit this blog a year ago, promising to take up the reins of a new project someday. That day is here:

http://onoccasion.wordpress.com/

Updates every Saturday.

The End

2009-03-06T15:23:00.005-08:00

All right. Three years and 1,130 posts later, I think it's time to hang up the coat.

When I first started this blog, I posted 1) every day, and 2) a fact. For the last year or so, most of my posts have been links and pictures, and I never update on time anymore. The purpose of the blog is no longer being fulfilled and I'm clearly losing interest. The moment has come to bow out.

I might start writing another blog. If I do, I'll notify all the people I'm aware of who read this one. You are, in no particular order:

• Mandy
• Marina
• Lila
• Jim
• My parents
• Cherie
• Andy

If you'd like to be notified when I start a new writing "project," and your name isn't listed above, please post a comment at the bottom of this post or shoot me an email.

Thanks for reading!

2-22-09

2009-02-23T10:30:00.001-08:00

Some guy shot a picture that's 100 meters long.

2-21-09

2009-02-23T10:27:00.001-08:00

Hindu religious festivals often feature cow piss drinking.

2-20-09

2009-02-23T10:25:00.003-08:00

About a year and a half ago I bought a GameCube and several games, which I proceeded to never play. I finally pulled out Resident Evil 4 the other day and, holy crap, it rocks. Notice to 360 owners: if you've got a friend to play it with, you must immediately download the Resident Evil 5 demo.

2-19-09

2009-02-23T10:24:00.001-08:00

I'm employed!

My first day is March 9th.

2-18-09

2009-02-23T10:22:00.002-08:00

Have you ever seen one of those drawings that spells a word, and when you turn it upside down it still spells the word? Turns out those things have a name -- ambigrams.

2-17-09

2009-02-23T10:20:00.003-08:00

I was disappointed to learn that Christian Bale, one of my favorite actors, apparently has a slight temper problem.

2-16-09

2009-02-23T10:20:00.001-08:00

Gleeking.

2-15-09

2009-02-15T14:42:00.001-08:00

"The American people will never knowingly adopt Socialism. But under the name of 'liberalism' they will adopt every fragment of the Socialist program, until one day America will be a Socialist nation, without knowing how it happened."

-- Norman Thomas, six-time presidential candidate for the socialist party

2-14-09

2009-02-14T16:54:00.002-08:00

The ten-sided die (d10) is the only die used in Dungeons & Dragons that is not a Platonic solid.

2-13-09

2009-02-14T00:26:00.002-08:00

Based on the current understanding of aerodynamics, bumblebees shouldn't be able to fly.

2-12-09

2009-02-14T00:21:00.000-08:00

The platypus is the only poisonous mammal.

2-11-09

2009-02-12T18:51:00.001-08:00

After scraping the bottom of the job hunting barrel for several months and still turning up nothing, I've decided that this sums up my feelings pretty much exactly.

2-10-09

2009-02-12T16:41:00.002-08:00

2-9-09

2009-02-10T13:14:00.000-08:00

Romans played with d20's.

2-8-09

2009-02-08T22:37:00.001-08:00

I saw Coraline in 3d this evening. Despite being a cartoon, it's an amazingly good movie.

2-7-09

2009-02-08T22:35:00.002-08:00

Credit to Andy for the YouTube find of the decade.

Update: those motherfucking bitches took the original video down. The link as it stands now is good, but not as good. Just pay careful attention around the 10 second mark.

2-6-09

2009-02-06T14:59:00.000-08:00

The opposite of misogyny is misandry.

2-5-09

2009-02-05T20:46:00.003-08:00

The job that I thought was going to last two months -- lasts six days.

Update: it's been canceled! Completely! God damn it!

2-4-09

2009-02-04T20:10:00.002-08:00

You Have To Burn The Rope.

2-3-09

2009-02-04T20:08:00.001-08:00

A guy robbed two 711's in Colorado with a Klingon sword.

2-2-09

2009-02-04T08:03:00.001-08:00

U.S. soldiers in Vietnam called purple smoke grenades "Goofy Grape."

2-1-09

2009-02-04T08:02:00.000-08:00

Grammar Nazis.

1-31-09

2009-02-04T07:59:00.002-08:00

Something Positive. Man, I don't know how I missed this one before.

1-30-09

2009-02-04T07:58:00.000-08:00

Check your kids' homework.

1-29-09

2009-02-04T07:55:00.000-08:00

Thumb Wars.

1-28-09

2009-02-04T07:53:00.002-08:00

Napoleon hogs history's spotlight, but his commanders were also interesting.

1-27-09

2009-02-04T07:48:00.002-08:00

In certain types of forests, you can find north by looking at which side of the trees moss grows on.

1-26-09

2009-01-27T19:39:00.001-08:00

GMAT essays are graded by a computer algorithm.

1-25-09

2009-01-27T18:58:00.001-08:00

Poker parody.

1-24-09

2009-01-27T18:55:00.001-08:00

Trebuchet toaster. Though as one poster noted on BoardGameGeek: "I imagine it is spring-powered rather than gravity-powered, making it a catapult and not a trebuchet."

1-23-09

2009-01-27T18:53:00.001-08:00

A Texas high school basketball coach was fired after his team won a game 100-0.

1-22-09

2009-01-27T18:52:00.000-08:00

1-21-09

2009-01-27T18:49:00.002-08:00

Yesterday may have been the inaugural address, but today is the three year anniversary of this blog! Here's a quick rundown of the important events that have happened in the past year:

1) Jack shit.
2) ...
3) Yeah that about covers it.

Let's hope I'm employed at this time next year.

1-20-09

2009-01-27T18:46:00.002-08:00

1-19-09

2009-01-19T22:44:00.003-08:00

The term plushie denotes people who like to have sex with stuffed animals. This is different from furry, which denotes people who merely dress up as stuffed animals and then have sex with other people who are also dressed up as stuffed animals.

1-18-09

2009-01-19T22:37:00.004-08:00

Sea kittens made an appearance on the Colbert Report. I beat him to it!

"Now they've launched a campaign to discourage people from eating fish by calling fish 'sea kittens' ... But more importantly, if I stop eating sea kittens, I believe I get to start eating what I like to call land fish [shows picture of cat]."

1-17-09

2009-01-18T19:38:00.001-08:00

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it).

1-16-09

2009-01-18T19:36:00.001-08:00

Meat accoutrements.

1-15-09

2009-01-15T23:51:00.001-08:00

Hockey players in the NHL didn't wear helmets until 1979.

1-14-09

2009-01-15T23:49:00.002-08:00

Elf: "Whose legs are those?"
Richard: "Probably the guy waddling around on his torso."

-- Looking For Group

1-13-09

2009-01-14T00:56:00.001-08:00

From the Museum of Bad Art. "The understated violence implicit in the scene speaks volumes on our own desensitization, our society's reflexive use of force, and the artist's inability to deal with the hindquarters of the animal."

1-12-09

2009-01-12T23:29:00.002-08:00

Paradoxical undressing.

1-11-09

2009-01-12T23:27:00.002-08:00

My first Writer's Group meeting was today. I have awesome friends!

1-10-09

2009-01-12T08:56:00.000-08:00

Americans watch 5.5 hours of TV a day (on average). This means the average American spends nearly as much time watching TV as they do working.

1-9-09

2009-01-10T20:46:00.003-08:00

PETA recently launched a campaign to raise sympathy for fish by rebranding them as "sea kittens."

"Would people think twice about ordering fish sticks if they were called sea kitten sticks?"

Guess what? I'm not joking.

1-8-09

2009-01-09T14:50:00.001-08:00

H is the ninth most common letter in English.

1-7-09

2009-01-07T22:30:00.001-08:00

I believe we have all learned something.

1-6-09

2009-01-07T22:28:00.004-08:00

1-5-09

2009-01-07T22:27:00.001-08:00

Forbes.com ranked Madison the #1 city for finding a job.

I'll believe that one the moment I find, y'know. A job.

1-4-09

2009-01-06T00:32:00.002-08:00

"If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail."

-- Bernard Baruch

1-3-09

2009-01-05T23:56:00.003-08:00

This apparently is what a badger looks like.

1-2-09

2009-01-05T23:53:00.000-08:00

Tea stains ceramic.

1-1-09

2009-01-02T00:18:00.002-08:00

4th edition D&D is pretty sweet. I hope somebody makes a computer game out of it.

12-31-08

2009-01-02T00:11:00.002-08:00

I went to a new year's party that didn't feature board games of any kind! However, David and Sam invited me over to pregame in the afternoon. I got to try Nexus Ops, which was remarkably mediocre.

12-30-08

2009-01-01T22:43:00.001-08:00

In case you missed the meme by about a year like I did: Dick in a Box.

12-29-08

2009-01-01T22:42:00.000-08:00

The Slightly Uncomfortable Chair Collection.

12-28-08

2008-12-30T22:40:00.001-08:00

Disgusted Beyond Belief. It's a good blog. Try his "well-read posts" and see if you like it from there.

12-27-08

2008-12-30T22:33:00.002-08:00

The story of 2008, as told by Dave Barry.

"Obama, following through on his promise to bring change to Washington, quickly begins assembling an administration consisting of a diverse group of renegade outsiders, ranging all the way from lawyers who attended Ivy League schools and then worked in the Clinton administration to lawyers who attended entirely different Ivy league schools and then worked in the Clinton administration."

"More and more companies seek federal help, among them the troubled 'big three' auto makers, whose chief executives fly to Washington in three separate corporate jets to ask Congress for $25 billion, explaining that if they don't get the money, they will be unable to continue making cars that Americans are not buying."

12-26-08

2008-12-30T22:32:00.003-08:00

The story of 2008, as told by awesome pictures.

12-25-08

2008-12-30T22:32:00.002-08:00

Lobsters are boiled alive. The air escaping their shells makes a sound as though they're screaming.

12-24-08

2008-12-25T01:27:00.001-08:00

12-23-08

2008-12-25T01:23:00.001-08:00

In its time, Waterworld was the most expensive movie ever made.

12-22-08

2008-12-23T10:34:00.002-08:00

Wearable hummingbird feeder. A product that finally rectifies the central objection I've always had with hummingbird feeders, which is that you couldn't wear them on your face.

12-21-08

2008-12-21T23:03:00.001-08:00

Balsamic vinegar is made from grapes.

12-20-08

2008-12-21T23:02:00.000-08:00

Elven Blood on Facebook. It's strangely addictive.

12-19-08

2008-12-21T22:30:00.001-08:00

Patient: I think my boyfriend and I have contracted either gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Doctor: What makes you say that?
Patient: Well, he's having kind of a pussy discharge from his penis and a burning sensation when he urinates.
Doctor: And what symptoms have you been having?
Patient: Well, I've had a sore throat...

-- Overheard in New York

12-18-08

2008-12-18T16:53:00.002-08:00

Achievement Unlocked.

12-17-08

2008-12-18T16:53:00.000-08:00

If your teeth have just been brushed, coke tastes gross.

12-16-08

2008-12-18T16:43:00.001-08:00

A kid was born with a foot growing in its head. Details.

12-15-08

2008-12-15T23:05:00.000-08:00

I've joined a writing group! Turns out a couple of my friends were closet novelists and I never knew.

12-14-08

2008-12-15T23:03:00.001-08:00

Zertz is a pretty cool board game.

12-13-08

2008-12-15T22:57:00.000-08:00

The Benny Hillifier. "Add Yakety Sax to anything!"

12-12-08

2008-12-15T22:39:00.002-08:00

"Traditions are an important part of Christmas. For example, when I was a boy, my mom and I had a wonderful tradition that went on for nearly 10 years, called: The Fruitcake Slam. I am not making this tradition up.

Every year, some people we knew thoughtfully sent us a fruitcake that was approximately the same density as the Hoover Dam. And every year, my mom -- who was, take my word for it, the funniest person who ever lived -- would declare, in her brightest June Cleaver voice: "Look, Davey!''

(She called me Davey.) "The fruitcake has arrived!''

And I'd say: ''Hurrah! I hope we don't accidentally leave it in the kitchen doorway, like last year!'' Then I'd open the kitchen door and place the fruitcake on the sill.

''UH-oh!'' my mom would say. ''It's getting drafty! I had best close the kitchen door!'' And she'd give the door a mighty slam. Usually the first slam would barely dent the fruitcake, so my mom would give it a few more, the two of us cackling like maniacs. This is still one of my fondest Christmas memories."

-- Dave Barry

12-11-08

2008-12-11T23:10:00.001-08:00

The Yankees' salary cap is over 70 million dollars higher than the next highest cap in baseball.

12-10-08

2008-12-11T23:09:00.003-08:00

Okay, this one may or may not be photoshopped.

12-9-08

2008-12-11T23:06:00.003-08:00

This is not photoshopped. It's called a coconut crab and it's terrifying.

12-8-08

2008-12-11T22:54:00.002-08:00

"Trying to set my old ripped up mattress on fire. How to prevent the house from burning too?

I finally got a new mattress so I want to get rid of my old one. Its too heavy to carry downstairs so I was going to burn it right in the room. How do I prevent from the whole house burning down? I set it in the middle of the room and away from the walls and the walls are covered in foil. Should this be good enough?"

And of course, the expert answers. My favorite: "This is rather an odd question for the pregnancy section."

12-7-08

2008-12-11T22:53:00.000-08:00

Nuclear submarines can stay underwater for a year.

12-6-08

2008-12-07T13:32:00.002-08:00

Samuel Jackson was in Jurassic Park.

12-5-08

2008-12-07T13:32:00.001-08:00

Vaseline can be used to hide scratches on HDTV's.

12-4-08

2008-12-07T13:30:00.001-08:00

Chimpanzees have huge balls.

12-3-08

2008-12-04T01:54:00.003-08:00

"A Ross Township man accused of shooting his girlfriend waived his right to a preliminary hearing Wednesday.

Authorities say a 17-year-old McCandless girl was shot in the groin on Feb. 27 at Timothy Madden's Perry Highway apartment.

The girl and the 23-year-old Madden were engaged in "bedroom activities" when the gun discharged, police said.

Details are graphic, but police said the incident involved a .45-caliber handgun with a condom on it, and the weapon somehow went off."

The full story.

12-2-08

2008-12-04T01:54:00.001-08:00

The Chicago soccer team is called Chicago Fire.

12-1-08

2008-12-01T00:27:00.005-08:00

Monster.com is sending me emails against my will with what it thinks are jobs I might like. Let's see what insightful career advice it has for me today:

"My saved search: Technical Writing
Title: Land Combat Electronic Missile System Repairer."

Yes, I do believe that's it, exactly.

11-30-08

2008-12-01T00:26:00.001-08:00

Thigh chafing.

===

Marathon runners get bloody nipples.

11-29-08

2008-12-01T00:25:00.001-08:00

Giraffes sleep less than two hours a day.

11-28-08

2008-11-29T09:35:00.000-08:00

Filet mignon comes from a cow's back.

11-27-08

2008-11-29T09:33:00.002-08:00

So I finally played the Wii today. I guess it's fine for stupid "games" like Wii Fit, but for anyone who wants to play an actual, you know, game, it blows. I played the new Smash Brothers and, with the Wii controller, it was worse than the N64 version.

11-26-08

2008-11-29T09:28:00.002-08:00

"A desire not to acknowledge depression in ourselves or those close to us -- better known these days as denial, is such a strong urge that plenty of people prefer to think that until you are actually flying out of a window, you don't have a problem."

-- Elizabeth Wurtzel

11-25-08

2008-11-29T09:23:00.002-08:00

Order of the Stick. Finally, a D&D comic that's actually good.

11-24-08

2008-11-24T14:50:00.002-08:00

The founder of Craigslist was a comp sci major at Case.

11-23-08

2008-11-23T21:31:00.001-08:00

Breast implants sink.

11-22-08

2008-11-23T21:25:00.002-08:00

Paul had an awesome party at his apartment tonight. I got to play Caylus, Puerto Rico, Magic, and Rock Band 2, all in the same evening!

11-21-08

2008-11-21T22:33:00.004-08:00

"I took my husband's i-phone and found a raunchy picture of him attached to an e-mail to a woman ... When I approached him about this (I think that he is cheating on me) he admitted that he took the picture but says that he never sent it to anyone. He claims that ... it is an i-phone glitch: that photos sometimes automatically attach themselves to an e-mail address and appear in the sent folder, even though no e-mail was ever sent. Has anyone ever heard of this happening?"

From the Apple support forum. Read the expert replies here.

11-20-08

2008-11-21T10:41:00.000-08:00

Hawaii Chair.

11-19-08

2008-11-19T12:59:00.001-08:00

Today is World Toilet Day. According to the World Toilet Organization, anyway.

"Toilets deserve better social status."

11-18-08

2008-11-19T00:19:00.001-08:00

Last night, some guy parked his car across the street, shot his 10 year-old kid and then shot himself.

11-17-08

2008-11-18T23:58:00.004-08:00

One of my friends is trying to start a revolutionary movement.