12-9-07

First! Not to mention: Elderly Pwnage.

12-8-07

"There is no avoiding war; it can only be postponed to the advantage of others."

-- Niccolo Machiavelli

12-7-07

"According to the Arab News newspaper, the 19-year-old woman was gang-raped 14 times in an attack in the eastern province a year-and-a-half ago.

Seven men from the majority Sunni community were found guilty of the rape and sentenced to prison terms ranging from just under a year to five years.

But the victim was also punished for violating Saudi Arabia's laws on segregation that forbid unrelated men and women from associating with each other. She was initially sentenced to 90 lashes for being in the car of a strange man.

On appeal, the Arab News reported that the punishment was not reduced but increased to 200 lashes and a six-month prison sentence."

Gotta love Saudi Arabia.

12-6-07

Vector Runner.

12-5-07

Why on Earth would anyone go through all the trouble of owning a real pet when you can just get a fake one for $40?

12-4-07

"It's just a hard drive with games on it!"

Warning: extremely painful to watch.

12-3-07

Sudoku Toilet Paper. I'm not even kidding.

12-2-07

A majority, not a minority, of human beings are lactose intolerant. White people are the only exception, and they're the only people who make milk a regular part of their diet.

12-1-07

"Homeless people can't be dangerous. If they were criminals, they wouldn't be homeless."

-- Will

11-30-07

Evel Knievel died today. We all know he was badass, but apparently he was also a major toolbag.

11-29-07

Dave was at work till 2:00 AM last night.

11-28-07

Jerry Seinfeld stand-up.

11-27-07

Where Mandy got her Facebook quote.

11-26-07

"Work doesn't make you happy, but it can make you unhappy."

-- Penelope Trunk

===

"Computer programmers, in the Computers and Technology category, are listed as 30.1% very happy with their job. This ranks programmers in between Dress Makers (28.7%) and Waiters and Waitresses (31.5%)."

-- Some Blog, with the full results here.

Thanks to Marina for the links.

11-25-07

Lila has a staircase in her closet.

===

Marina: "Lila, I'm so uncivilized!"
Lila: "Shut the fuck up and eat your pie."

Marina: "He's homosexual."
Lila: "He's not homosexual, he's European."

11-24-07

This evening Andy and I played Twisted Metal 2, the last good game ever made for the Playstation series. It was awesome.

11-23-07

Ass muscles are the biggest muscles in the human body.

===

Babies have more bones than adults.

11-22-07

The worst person in the world. He kind of is a douche.

11-21-07

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something."

-- Plato

The classic staple of Dave's Facebook profile.

11-20-07

Milquetoast.

11-19-07

Board game t-shirts.

11-18-07

According to the real rules of Monopoly, the game ends after one person goes bankrupt. The remaining players count up how much money they have and the player with the most wins.

11-17-07

www.ratemypoo.com.

I intentionally did not make that a hyperlink so that no one would even be tempted to click on it. I just need you to know that it exists.

11-16-07

Most addicting thing ever, ever. 44 is my peak. And I don't give a crap about the rice; it's just an awesome game.

===


Found on passiveaggressivenotes.com.

11-15-07

Dave and I started watching Lost a few days ago. I'm ashamed to say it's a good show. Do I need to start watching more TV?

11-14-07

Cheap corkscrews don't work.

11-13-07

The founder of BD's Mongolian Barbeque went to Paul's high school.

11-12-07

Backgammon is older than Go.

11-11-07

Kickin' babies.

11-10-07

Jimmy Kimmel holds the world record for longest distance traveled in one work week.

11-9-07

Strong Bad doesn't like web comics.

11-8-07

Hollywood writers have gone on strike. Now, if you know me, you know that I'd be the last person on the planet to care about derailed TV shows, but seriously. You people write for a fucking living. You ungrateful bitches.

11-7-07

Underage girl playing chess? Hot. Just ignore the caption, it's stupid.

11-6-07

Dogs cause cancer. (Source.)

===

Making your bed is bad for you. The extra humidity breeds more bugs.

11-5-07

Brett Favre is missing 30 inches of his small intestine.

11-4-07

Starcraft: The Board Game isn't nearly as bad as it sounds.

11-3-07

My mom liked the flowers I sent for her birthday.

11-2-07

I should really learn to stop clicking on links that Andy sends me.

11-1-07

Charlie Brown's dad was a barber.

10-31-07

Dave burned a pizza.

10-30-07

"As already said, however, de Selby provides some genuine mental sustenance if read objectively for what there is to read. In the Layman's Atlas he deals explicitly with bereavement, old age, love, sin, death and the other saliencies of existence. It is true that he allows them only some six lines but this is due to his devastating assertion that they are all 'unnecessary.'"

-- Flann O'Brien, The Last Policeman

10-29-07

"These cyclists are playing chess with each other. They are shuffling the cards even as we speak!"

-- Sportscaster for a bicycle race

10-28-07

Fluorescent bulbs contain mercury.

10-27-07

Washington.

10-26-07

Someone published a 600 page book of random numbers.

"To whom do I write to report typographical errors? I noticed that the first '7' on the third line page 48 should be a '3'. The '7' that's printed there now isn't random."

"Such a terrific reference work! But with so many terrific random digits, it's a shame they didn't sort them, to make it easier to find the one you're looking for."

Be sure to read the reviews.

10-25-07

Yuri Gagarin, the first person in space, was only 5'2". His short stature was an advantage in getting picked, as space inside the shuttle was very limited.

10-24-07

"[In Street Fighter,] you will not see a classic scrub throw his opponent five times in a row. But why not? What if doing so is strategically the sequence of moves that optimizes his chances of winning? Here we’ve encountered our first clash: the scrub is only willing to play to win within his own made-up mental set of rules. These rules can be staggeringly arbitrary. If you beat a scrub by throwing projectile attacks at him, keeping your distance and preventing him from getting near you—that’s cheap. If you throw him repeatedly, that’s cheap, too ... If you block for fifty seconds doing no moves, that’s cheap. Nearly anything you do that ends up making you win is a prime candidate for being called cheap ...

Doing one move or sequence over and over and over is a tactic close to my heart that often elicits the call of the scrub. This goes right to the heart of the matter: why can the scrub not defeat something so obvious and telegraphed as a single move done over and over? Is he such a poor player that he can’t counter that move? And if the move is, for whatever reason, extremely difficult to counter, then wouldn’t I be a fool for not using that move? The first step in becoming a top player is the realization that playing to win means doing whatever most increases your chances of winning. That is true by definition of playing to win. The game knows no rules of 'honor' or of 'cheapness.' The game only knows winning and losing."

-- David Sirlin, Playing to Win

10-23-07

"Black, who had been better all along, decided the game here with the nice double decoy 38...Nd2+ White resigned, because on 39.Nxd2, there follows Qg1 mate, and on 39.Bxd2, there follows Qf2 mate.

Only, in the last variation, Qf2 is an impossible move."

Colossal chess blunders.

10-22-07

"'Friend' and 'who hates games' ought to be mutually exclusive."

-- Sam, after I'd said "friend who hates games coming in" to explain why I might not make Mafia on Friday

10-21-07

I beat Puzzle Quest!

It's still an awesome game, guys.

10-20-07

Befuddled Wizards.

10-19-07

The founder of Johns Hopkins was a morphine addict.

10-18-07

Bioware got bought out by EA.

10-17-07

Citrus Soldier. The guy takes photos off of Flickr and puts captions to them. The writing is hit or miss -- most of it being "miss" -- but occasionally he scores a good one.

10-16-07

Puzzle Quest finally came out for Xbox Live last week and, yep. It's awesome.

10-15-07

See? I told you. Nationalized health care sucks.

10-14-07

California invented the right turn on red.

10-13-07

Obscure internet slang:

IANAL -- "I am not a lawyer."

10-12-07

Jokes > Sex.

10-11-07

Violent Acres.

10-10-07

A story that the great chess player José Raúl Capablanca used to tell his friends:

"I was playing in a tournament in Germany one year when a man approached me. Thinking he just wanted an autograph, I reached for my pen, when the man made a startling announcement. 'I've solved chess!' I sensibly started to back away, in case the man was dangerous as well as insane, but the man continued: 'I'll bet you 50 marks that if you come back to my hotel room I can prove it to you.' Well, 50 marks was 50 marks, so I humored the fellow and accompanied him to his room."

"Back at the room, we sat down at his chess board. 'I've worked it all out, white mates in 12 no matter what.' I played with black perhaps a bit incautiously, but I found to my horror that white's pieces coordinated very strangely, and that I was going to be mated on the 12th move!"

"I tried again, and I played a completely different opening that couldn't possibly result in such a position, but after a series of very queer-looking moves, once again I found my king surrounded, with mate to fall on the 12th move. I asked the man to wait while I ran downstairs and fetched Emmanuel Lasker, who was world champion before me. He was extremely skeptical, but agreed to at least come and play. Along the way we snagged Alekhine, who was then world champion, and the three of us ran back up to the room."

"Lasker took no chances, but played as cautiously as could be, yet after a bizarre, pointless-looking series of maneuvers, found himself hemmed in a mating net from which there was no escape. Alekhine tried his hand, too, but all to no avail."

"It was awful! Here we were, the finest players in the world, men who had devoted our very lives to the game, and it was all over! The tournaments, the matches, everything - chess had been solved, white wins."

About this time Capa's friends would break in, saying, "Wait a minute, I never heard anything about all this! What happened?"

"Why, we killed him, of course."

10-9-07

Occam's Razor has some competition.

10-8-07

From an article:

"There's a lot of girls around," adds pro gamer Tom "Tsquared" Taylor. "I honestly find them annoying."

===

Compared to ordinary gamers, pro gamers have somehow managed to be even bigger losers.

10-7-07

Facebook lets you see a person's status on AIM and read their away message, if they have one up.

10-6-07

Age of Empires III. The computer game sucked, but the board game is solid.

10-5-07

Mafia with an assassin rocks.

10-4-07

Hitting alt+prnt scrn takes a screenshot of just the active window.

10-3-07

"No, he used to be a mathematician."

10-2-07

Excel 07 can't do basic math. Try this: =PRODUCT(77.1,850)

10-1-07

Some days, you just don't learn anything.

9-30-07

"Well, you can't have everything -- where would you put it?"

-- Steven Wright

9-29-07

Women account for almost a quarter of internet pornography traffic.

9-28-07

The U.S. dollar has dropped below the Canadian dollar.

9-27-07

A flock of crows is called a murder.

9-26-07

I hadn't eaten at Taco Bell in a while, and I forgot how cheap that place is. And it's not just cheap, it's cheap -- the kind of cheap that makes you wonder what the hell they're putting in there. A pound of food for two bucks? It can't all be food.

9-25-07

For those times when icanhascheezburger just isn't enough, consider the following:


lolsecretz.

9-24-07

9-23-07

Fucking Austria.

9-22-07

Being at work on Saturday does wonders for your productivity.

9-21-07

Stupid people in large numbers are not nearly as frightening as geeks.

9-20-07

"Many human beings say that they enjoy the winter, but what they really enjoy is feeling proof against it. For them there is no winter food problem. They have fires and warm clothes. The winter cannot hurt them and therefore increases their sense of cleverness and security. For birds and animals, as for poor men, winter is another matter."

-- Richard Adams, Watership Down

9-19-07

Some guy made a recording of the farting sound his board game box makes when it opens.

9-18-07

Apparently, one isn't enough.

9-17-07

Robert Jordan died yesterday. Jim's response to the sad news:

"I don't know if that's sad news. He can't churn out any more crappy books."

9-16-07

At 2:05, this video degrades to immense retardation. But up until 2:05 it's awesome.

9-15-07

X-boxes run on Windows. Maybe that's why they crash all the time.

9-14-07

"The longest one syllable word is screeched."

I always had a feeling that Snapple lids were full of crap, and now I have proof. At a paltry nine letters, screeched is no better than strengths or scrounged. To say it is the longest word is misleading, if not inaccurate.

9-13-07

Callipygian.

9-12-07

Auto Phone Sex.

9-11-07

Back when people were illiterate, an outhouse with a crescent was for men, while a star was for the ladies.

===

The Garfield Randomizer:

Sadly, it was taken down, but many of its finest creations are still on display in this thread.

9-10-07

From a forum on restaurant recommendations:

"I came in to get my takeout order from the Whitney Way location and before I said anything the guy goes 'Here for takeout?' I respond, 'Yeah. Do I look like a guy looking for takeout?' He then replies (not joking) , "You look like you're gonna rob me.'"

9-9-07

Garlic can go bad.

===

"I put [the CD] on random order. Eventually, track 1 came up, so I got a little excited. Clearly, this song was designed to be first on the CD, so it must be highly respected...

This got me thinking. I put this CD on random order, so instantly by placing no preference on the order of the songs, I'm giving preference to the later songs. These are the songs that the CD creator didn't think were as good (otherwise they'd appear earlier on the CD). Thus, random order is actual[ly] an insult to the creator of the CD and their taste of music."

-- Andy

9-8-07

In football, it is possible to score exactly one point.

9-7-07

Jerry Springer was once the mayor of Cincinnati.

9-6-07

Anna Kournikova wasn't total trash. At one point she was the No 1 ranked doubles tennis player in the world.

9-5-07

# is called an octothorpe.

9-4-07

Dice stacking.

9-3-07

I wish every weekend were a three-day weekend.

9-2-07

At the Minnesota State Fair, you could buy yogurt at a place called "Custard's Last Stand."

9-1-07

Brain Surgery.