12-28-08

Disgusted Beyond Belief. It's a good blog. Try his "well-read posts" and see if you like it from there.

12-27-08

The story of 2008, as told by Dave Barry.

"Obama, following through on his promise to bring change to Washington, quickly begins assembling an administration consisting of a diverse group of renegade outsiders, ranging all the way from lawyers who attended Ivy League schools and then worked in the Clinton administration to lawyers who attended entirely different Ivy league schools and then worked in the Clinton administration."

"More and more companies seek federal help, among them the troubled 'big three' auto makers, whose chief executives fly to Washington in three separate corporate jets to ask Congress for $25 billion, explaining that if they don't get the money, they will be unable to continue making cars that Americans are not buying."

12-26-08

The story of 2008, as told by awesome pictures.

12-25-08

Lobsters are boiled alive. The air escaping their shells makes a sound as though they're screaming.

12-24-08

12-23-08

In its time, Waterworld was the most expensive movie ever made.

12-22-08

Wearable hummingbird feeder. A product that finally rectifies the central objection I've always had with hummingbird feeders, which is that you couldn't wear them on your face.

12-21-08

Balsamic vinegar is made from grapes.

12-20-08

Elven Blood on Facebook. It's strangely addictive.

12-19-08

Patient: I think my boyfriend and I have contracted either gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Doctor: What makes you say that?
Patient: Well, he's having kind of a pussy discharge from his penis and a burning sensation when he urinates.
Doctor: And what symptoms have you been having?
Patient: Well, I've had a sore throat...

-- Overheard in New York

12-18-08

Achievement Unlocked.

12-17-08

If your teeth have just been brushed, coke tastes gross.

12-16-08

A kid was born with a foot growing in its head. Details.

12-15-08

I've joined a writing group! Turns out a couple of my friends were closet novelists and I never knew.

12-14-08

Zertz is a pretty cool board game.

12-13-08

The Benny Hillifier. "Add Yakety Sax to anything!"

12-12-08

"Traditions are an important part of Christmas. For example, when I was a boy, my mom and I had a wonderful tradition that went on for nearly 10 years, called: The Fruitcake Slam. I am not making this tradition up.

Every year, some people we knew thoughtfully sent us a fruitcake that was approximately the same density as the Hoover Dam. And every year, my mom -- who was, take my word for it, the funniest person who ever lived -- would declare, in her brightest June Cleaver voice: "Look, Davey!''

(She called me Davey.) "The fruitcake has arrived!''

And I'd say: ''Hurrah! I hope we don't accidentally leave it in the kitchen doorway, like last year!'' Then I'd open the kitchen door and place the fruitcake on the sill.

''UH-oh!'' my mom would say. ''It's getting drafty! I had best close the kitchen door!'' And she'd give the door a mighty slam. Usually the first slam would barely dent the fruitcake, so my mom would give it a few more, the two of us cackling like maniacs. This is still one of my fondest Christmas memories."

-- Dave Barry

12-11-08

The Yankees' salary cap is over 70 million dollars higher than the next highest cap in baseball.

12-10-08

Okay, this one may or may not be photoshopped.

12-9-08

This is not photoshopped. It's called a coconut crab and it's terrifying.

12-8-08

"Trying to set my old ripped up mattress on fire. How to prevent the house from burning too?

I finally got a new mattress so I want to get rid of my old one. Its too heavy to carry downstairs so I was going to burn it right in the room. How do I prevent from the whole house burning down? I set it in the middle of the room and away from the walls and the walls are covered in foil. Should this be good enough?"

And of course, the expert answers. My favorite: "This is rather an odd question for the pregnancy section."

12-7-08

Nuclear submarines can stay underwater for a year.

12-6-08

Samuel Jackson was in Jurassic Park.

12-5-08

Vaseline can be used to hide scratches on HDTV's.

12-4-08

Chimpanzees have huge balls.

12-3-08

"A Ross Township man accused of shooting his girlfriend waived his right to a preliminary hearing Wednesday.

Authorities say a 17-year-old McCandless girl was shot in the groin on Feb. 27 at Timothy Madden's Perry Highway apartment.

The girl and the 23-year-old Madden were engaged in "bedroom activities" when the gun discharged, police said.

Details are graphic, but police said the incident involved a .45-caliber handgun with a condom on it, and the weapon somehow went off."

The full story.

12-2-08

The Chicago soccer team is called Chicago Fire.

12-1-08

Monster.com is sending me emails against my will with what it thinks are jobs I might like. Let's see what insightful career advice it has for me today:

"My saved search: Technical Writing
Title: Land Combat Electronic Missile System Repairer."

Yes, I do believe that's it, exactly.

11-30-08

Thigh chafing.

===

Marathon runners get bloody nipples.

11-29-08

Giraffes sleep less than two hours a day.