2-3-09

A guy robbed two 711's in Colorado with a Klingon sword.

2-2-09

U.S. soldiers in Vietnam called purple smoke grenades "Goofy Grape."

2-1-09

Grammar Nazis.

1-31-09

Something Positive. Man, I don't know how I missed this one before.

1-30-09

Check your kids' homework.

1-29-09

Thumb Wars.

1-28-09

Napoleon hogs history's spotlight, but his commanders were also interesting.

1-27-09

In certain types of forests, you can find north by looking at which side of the trees moss grows on.

1-26-09

GMAT essays are graded by a computer algorithm.

1-25-09

Poker parody.

1-24-09

Trebuchet toaster. Though as one poster noted on BoardGameGeek: "I imagine it is spring-powered rather than gravity-powered, making it a catapult and not a trebuchet."

1-23-09

A Texas high school basketball coach was fired after his team won a game 100-0.

1-22-09

1-21-09

Yesterday may have been the inaugural address, but today is the three year anniversary of this blog! Here's a quick rundown of the important events that have happened in the past year:

1) Jack shit.
2) ...
3) Yeah that about covers it.

Let's hope I'm employed at this time next year.

1-20-09

1-19-09

The term plushie denotes people who like to have sex with stuffed animals. This is different from furry, which denotes people who merely dress up as stuffed animals and then have sex with other people who are also dressed up as stuffed animals.

1-18-09

Sea kittens made an appearance on the Colbert Report. I beat him to it!

"Now they've launched a campaign to discourage people from eating fish by calling fish 'sea kittens' ... But more importantly, if I stop eating sea kittens, I believe I get to start eating what I like to call land fish [shows picture of cat]."

1-17-09

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it).

1-16-09

Meat accoutrements.

1-15-09

Hockey players in the NHL didn't wear helmets until 1979.

1-14-09

Elf: "Whose legs are those?"
Richard: "Probably the guy waddling around on his torso."

-- Looking For Group

1-13-09

From the Museum of Bad Art. "The understated violence implicit in the scene speaks volumes on our own desensitization, our society's reflexive use of force, and the artist's inability to deal with the hindquarters of the animal."

1-12-09

Paradoxical undressing.

1-11-09

My first Writer's Group meeting was today. I have awesome friends!

1-10-09

Americans watch 5.5 hours of TV a day (on average). This means the average American spends nearly as much time watching TV as they do working.

1-9-09

PETA recently launched a campaign to raise sympathy for fish by rebranding them as "sea kittens."

"Would people think twice about ordering fish sticks if they were called sea kitten sticks?"

Guess what? I'm not joking.

1-8-09

H is the ninth most common letter in English.

1-7-09

I believe we have all learned something.

1-6-09

1-5-09

Forbes.com ranked Madison the #1 city for finding a job.

I'll believe that one the moment I find, y'know. A job.

1-4-09

"If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail."

-- Bernard Baruch

1-3-09

This apparently is what a badger looks like.

1-2-09

Tea stains ceramic.

1-1-09

4th edition D&D is pretty sweet. I hope somebody makes a computer game out of it.

12-31-08

I went to a new year's party that didn't feature board games of any kind! However, David and Sam invited me over to pregame in the afternoon. I got to try Nexus Ops, which was remarkably mediocre.

12-30-08

In case you missed the meme by about a year like I did: Dick in a Box.

12-29-08

The Slightly Uncomfortable Chair Collection.

12-28-08

Disgusted Beyond Belief. It's a good blog. Try his "well-read posts" and see if you like it from there.

12-27-08

The story of 2008, as told by Dave Barry.

"Obama, following through on his promise to bring change to Washington, quickly begins assembling an administration consisting of a diverse group of renegade outsiders, ranging all the way from lawyers who attended Ivy League schools and then worked in the Clinton administration to lawyers who attended entirely different Ivy league schools and then worked in the Clinton administration."

"More and more companies seek federal help, among them the troubled 'big three' auto makers, whose chief executives fly to Washington in three separate corporate jets to ask Congress for $25 billion, explaining that if they don't get the money, they will be unable to continue making cars that Americans are not buying."

12-26-08

The story of 2008, as told by awesome pictures.

12-25-08

Lobsters are boiled alive. The air escaping their shells makes a sound as though they're screaming.

12-24-08

12-23-08

In its time, Waterworld was the most expensive movie ever made.

12-22-08

Wearable hummingbird feeder. A product that finally rectifies the central objection I've always had with hummingbird feeders, which is that you couldn't wear them on your face.

12-21-08

Balsamic vinegar is made from grapes.

12-20-08

Elven Blood on Facebook. It's strangely addictive.

12-19-08

Patient: I think my boyfriend and I have contracted either gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Doctor: What makes you say that?
Patient: Well, he's having kind of a pussy discharge from his penis and a burning sensation when he urinates.
Doctor: And what symptoms have you been having?
Patient: Well, I've had a sore throat...

-- Overheard in New York

12-18-08

Achievement Unlocked.

12-17-08

If your teeth have just been brushed, coke tastes gross.

12-16-08

A kid was born with a foot growing in its head. Details.

12-15-08

I've joined a writing group! Turns out a couple of my friends were closet novelists and I never knew.

12-14-08

Zertz is a pretty cool board game.

12-13-08

The Benny Hillifier. "Add Yakety Sax to anything!"

12-12-08

"Traditions are an important part of Christmas. For example, when I was a boy, my mom and I had a wonderful tradition that went on for nearly 10 years, called: The Fruitcake Slam. I am not making this tradition up.

Every year, some people we knew thoughtfully sent us a fruitcake that was approximately the same density as the Hoover Dam. And every year, my mom -- who was, take my word for it, the funniest person who ever lived -- would declare, in her brightest June Cleaver voice: "Look, Davey!''

(She called me Davey.) "The fruitcake has arrived!''

And I'd say: ''Hurrah! I hope we don't accidentally leave it in the kitchen doorway, like last year!'' Then I'd open the kitchen door and place the fruitcake on the sill.

''UH-oh!'' my mom would say. ''It's getting drafty! I had best close the kitchen door!'' And she'd give the door a mighty slam. Usually the first slam would barely dent the fruitcake, so my mom would give it a few more, the two of us cackling like maniacs. This is still one of my fondest Christmas memories."

-- Dave Barry

12-11-08

The Yankees' salary cap is over 70 million dollars higher than the next highest cap in baseball.

12-10-08

Okay, this one may or may not be photoshopped.

12-9-08

This is not photoshopped. It's called a coconut crab and it's terrifying.

12-8-08

"Trying to set my old ripped up mattress on fire. How to prevent the house from burning too?

I finally got a new mattress so I want to get rid of my old one. Its too heavy to carry downstairs so I was going to burn it right in the room. How do I prevent from the whole house burning down? I set it in the middle of the room and away from the walls and the walls are covered in foil. Should this be good enough?"

And of course, the expert answers. My favorite: "This is rather an odd question for the pregnancy section."

12-7-08

Nuclear submarines can stay underwater for a year.

12-6-08

Samuel Jackson was in Jurassic Park.

12-5-08

Vaseline can be used to hide scratches on HDTV's.

12-4-08

Chimpanzees have huge balls.

12-3-08

"A Ross Township man accused of shooting his girlfriend waived his right to a preliminary hearing Wednesday.

Authorities say a 17-year-old McCandless girl was shot in the groin on Feb. 27 at Timothy Madden's Perry Highway apartment.

The girl and the 23-year-old Madden were engaged in "bedroom activities" when the gun discharged, police said.

Details are graphic, but police said the incident involved a .45-caliber handgun with a condom on it, and the weapon somehow went off."

The full story.

12-2-08

The Chicago soccer team is called Chicago Fire.

12-1-08

Monster.com is sending me emails against my will with what it thinks are jobs I might like. Let's see what insightful career advice it has for me today:

"My saved search: Technical Writing
Title: Land Combat Electronic Missile System Repairer."

Yes, I do believe that's it, exactly.

11-30-08

Thigh chafing.

===

Marathon runners get bloody nipples.

11-29-08

Giraffes sleep less than two hours a day.

11-28-08

Filet mignon comes from a cow's back.

11-27-08

So I finally played the Wii today. I guess it's fine for stupid "games" like Wii Fit, but for anyone who wants to play an actual, you know, game, it blows. I played the new Smash Brothers and, with the Wii controller, it was worse than the N64 version.

11-26-08

"A desire not to acknowledge depression in ourselves or those close to us -- better known these days as denial, is such a strong urge that plenty of people prefer to think that until you are actually flying out of a window, you don't have a problem."

-- Elizabeth Wurtzel

11-25-08

Order of the Stick. Finally, a D&D comic that's actually good.

11-24-08

The founder of Craigslist was a comp sci major at Case.

11-23-08

Breast implants sink.

11-22-08

Paul had an awesome party at his apartment tonight. I got to play Caylus, Puerto Rico, Magic, and Rock Band 2, all in the same evening!

11-21-08

"I took my husband's i-phone and found a raunchy picture of him attached to an e-mail to a woman ... When I approached him about this (I think that he is cheating on me) he admitted that he took the picture but says that he never sent it to anyone. He claims that ... it is an i-phone glitch: that photos sometimes automatically attach themselves to an e-mail address and appear in the sent folder, even though no e-mail was ever sent. Has anyone ever heard of this happening?"

From the Apple support forum. Read the expert replies here.

11-20-08

Hawaii Chair.

11-19-08

Today is World Toilet Day. According to the World Toilet Organization, anyway.

"Toilets deserve better social status."

11-18-08

Last night, some guy parked his car across the street, shot his 10 year-old kid and then shot himself.

11-17-08

One of my friends is trying to start a revolutionary movement.

11-16-08

The bird that hit Fabio in the face was stuffed and sold on Ebay.

11-15-08

Door-to-door meat salesmen.

11-14-08

Smokers lose their taste buds.

11-13-08

Dogs can be used to hunt for truffles. They're better than pigs, because dogs don't try to eat truffles when they find them.

11-12-08

Some schools now consider "F" a swear word.

11-11-08

1 in 3 children in America are overweight. What's even more sad is that the Cookie Monster now eats vegetables and says that "cookies are a sometimes food."

11-10-08

The plural of "eye" and "cow" used to be "eyn" and "kine." "Eyes" and "cows" were wrong words, like foots and oxes.

11-9-08

"You can't fight ideas with bullets."

-- Deus Ex

11-8-08

In case you missed it, Fallout 3 is amazing. Very different from the first two, but a brilliant game in its own right.

11-7-08

"The fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses."

-- Carl Sagan

11-6-08

Q-tips push wax deeper into the ear -- much more wax than they get out. In fact, q-tip packages say nothing whatsoever about earwax removal; they refer to the tips as "applicators," intended for rubbing stuff on. Q-tips do happen to fit in ears, which somehow led to the belief that they're good for removing wax; they're actually completely useless for this purpose.

11-5-08

Michael Crichton died yesterday.

11-4-08

I voted today. Not that it made any difference.

"The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it."

-- P.J. O'Rourke

11-3-08

11-2-08

The math problem that Matt Damon's character solves in Good Will Hunting -- the problem that, supposedly, took a team of MIT professors two years to figure out -- is a simple tree puzzle that can be solved in minutes with a bit of trial and error and about 30 seconds' worth of graph theory.

11-1-08

Sichuan peppercorns aren't peppercorns.

Also, after owning it for over a year, I played Shogun and it was awesome.

10-31-08

Pumpkins are a type of squash.

10-30-08

Full Frontal Nerdity.

10-29-08

The US Puzzle and Sudoku Championships.

The "puzzle" part is okay, but...I think this is worse than tournament rock-paper-scissors.

10-28-08

Need a rimshot? Here's one.

10-27-08

PALIN: Hi folks! Sorry I'm late! I brought caribou burgers.

HILARY: Who the HELL is this?

MCCAIN: It's cool, she's with me.

HILARY: No! No, it's not cool! Every time you bring one of your rodeo-queen girlfriends in here she ends up playing some succubus infiltrator and killing the whole party!

MCCAIN: Now, that is patently untrue.

BIDEN: He has a point. Cindy turned out to be a vampire.

There's much more.